A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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