i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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