y did u give ur computer a hand job?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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