Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
