Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
