Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize