My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
