i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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