I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
