I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
