when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
