Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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