Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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