she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
