so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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