My cat gives me a boner
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
