He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
