I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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