My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
