I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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