Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
