I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
