I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
