Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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