I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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