I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
