I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
