Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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