I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
