Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
