just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
