Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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