So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
