dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
