I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
