my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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