Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
