If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
