coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
