apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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