ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
