I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
