I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
