Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
