I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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