theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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