dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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