And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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