I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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