Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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