I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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