My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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