dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
