just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
