I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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