My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
