The best revenge is premature balding
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
