I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
