I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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