There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Come on in and take your pants off
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