No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
