if you like me you must not know who I am
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize