Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
