That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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