How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
