We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
