I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize