K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize