mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
