p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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