I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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