This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
