i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
