Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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