yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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