we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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