even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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