??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
