Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
