oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
