Don't you send me to vm
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
