wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
