His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
