my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
