the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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