I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
