He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
