Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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