Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
