I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
