You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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